Chemobrain / Kemo kafasi
Chemobrain / Kemo kafasi (Turkce altta)
The doctor had said it: You may find it harder to focus or concentrate. It didn't bother me at the time. I was already very easily distracted, yet, who isn't these days? There is a constant flow of incoming information, even if you mute all the notifications, it is somewhere at the back of your brain. You need to check your phone! It becomes an overwhelming habit, and when you realize what it has become, the fight begins. I try not to check my phone very frequently but I think about that too, so I am distracted either way, just the duration of the distraction became much shorter.
Anyways, I was already unsatisfied by my lack of focus especially while I'm reading a book, watching a movie or in a concert. I would catch myself thinking completely irrelevant things. I was never in the moment. I was doing things that I thought I would enjoy but couldn't enjoy them because I was simply not there. My mind was wandering in the worries, I could not escape from them.
When I realized that I was torturing myself, I decided I might try the mindfulness apps my friends were talking about. I had never tried meditating before. There are many free apps, and I think they are a good introduction to methods that may be useful for you your entire life. I cannot say that my concentration recovered completely but I could definitely catch myself much earlier when I started drifting away.
So what about chemobrain? Like many other features you will experience that comes with the chemo package, it will surprise you. Somebody used the analogy "fog on your head"; mine is more like a hole than a fog. I have no recollection of very recent events or trivial daily routines. Mine did not elevate to a scary level but I am really surprised sometimes at the things I forget. About focus: there is no such thing left. I now find it hard to multiply a 2 digit number with a one digit number. (I am much better in normal life) I cannot usually even keep the numbers in my head let alone multiply. I have been reading non fiction for the last 1-2 years. I had to give up. I can only read fiction now. Even if concepts are good structured and organized, I can understand one at a time but forget about the cause or effect so I keep going back and forth between the pages. It became frustrating. Since I am not working and spending most of my time at home, reading is a precious activity for me. I didn't want to lose it so I tried fiction, novels without much drama, relaxing and not overstimulating.
Open for suggestions.
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Doktor soylemisti: Ilaclar bazen konsantrasyon bozuklugu yapiyor. O sirada cok kafama takmadim. Zaten dikkatim o kadar daginikti ki, gerci kimin degil.. Surekli olarak bilgi bombardimani altindayiz, tum ileti seslerini kapatsaniz bile beyninizin icinde bir yerde bekliyor: Telefonunuza bakmaniz lazim! Yorucu bir aliskanlik haline geliyor, o hale geldigini anladiginizda ise savas basliyor. Telefonuma cok bakmamaya calisiyorum, ama aklima geliyor sonucta, bir kere dikkatim dagilmis oluyor, bakmayinca sadece dikkatimin dagilma suresi azalmis oluyor.
Odaklanamama sorunum zaten vardi. Ozellikle de kitap okurken, film izlerken veya bir konserde. Kendimi tamamen alakasiz seyler dusunurken buluyordum. Hic bir zaman o anda kalamiyordum. Hosuma gidecek seyler yapiyordum ama hosuma gitmiyordu cunku sanki orada degildim. Aklim surekli uzuntuler icinde geziniyordu; kacamiyordum.
Kendime iskence ettigimi anladigimda arkadaslarimdan duydugum farkindalik uygulamalarini denemeye karar verdim. Daha once hic meditasyon yapmamistim. Ucretsiz bir cok uygulama var, bir tanesini denedim ve memnun kaldim. Bence hayatiniz boyunca kullanabileceginiz yontemlere dair iyi bir giris sunuyorlar. Konsantrasyonum tamamen geri geldi diyemem ama dikkatim baska yere gittigi zaman kendimi daha cabuk yakalar oldum.
Peki kemoterapi kafasi nasil? Kemoterapi paketi icinde gelen bir cok ozellik gibi bu da sasirtici. Internette "kafamda sis var gibi" benzetmesini okumustum, benimki sisten cok delik gibi. Bazi siradan gunluk islere veya cok yakin gecmiste olan olaylara dair hicbir sey hatirlamiyorum. Korkutucu seviyede degil ama gercekten neleri unuttuguma bazen cok sasiriyorum. Odaklanmaya gelince: oyle bir sey artik yok. 2 basamakli bir sayiyi tek basamakli bir sayiyla carparken zorlaniyorum (Normalde daha iyiyimdir) Carpmayi birakin carpacagim rakamlari aklimda tutamiyorum. Son 1-2 senedir hep roman-hikaye disinda kitaplar okurdum, daha cok bilimsel. Vazgecmek zorunda kaldim. Kavramlar cok iyi duzenlenmis ve siralanmis olsa bile, tek tek anlayabilmeme ragmen ,neden ve sonucu hatirlamadigim icin sayfalar arasinda surekli ileri geri gezinmek zorunda kaliyordum. Moralim bozuldu. Su an calismadigim ve vaktimin cogunu evde gecirdigim icin, okumak benim icin kaybetmek istemedigim, degerli bir aktivite. Roman okumaya geri dondum, cok ic karartici olmayan, rahatlatici, beyni cok uyarmayan seyler okumaya calisicam.
Onerilere acigim.
The doctor had said it: You may find it harder to focus or concentrate. It didn't bother me at the time. I was already very easily distracted, yet, who isn't these days? There is a constant flow of incoming information, even if you mute all the notifications, it is somewhere at the back of your brain. You need to check your phone! It becomes an overwhelming habit, and when you realize what it has become, the fight begins. I try not to check my phone very frequently but I think about that too, so I am distracted either way, just the duration of the distraction became much shorter.
Anyways, I was already unsatisfied by my lack of focus especially while I'm reading a book, watching a movie or in a concert. I would catch myself thinking completely irrelevant things. I was never in the moment. I was doing things that I thought I would enjoy but couldn't enjoy them because I was simply not there. My mind was wandering in the worries, I could not escape from them.
When I realized that I was torturing myself, I decided I might try the mindfulness apps my friends were talking about. I had never tried meditating before. There are many free apps, and I think they are a good introduction to methods that may be useful for you your entire life. I cannot say that my concentration recovered completely but I could definitely catch myself much earlier when I started drifting away.
So what about chemobrain? Like many other features you will experience that comes with the chemo package, it will surprise you. Somebody used the analogy "fog on your head"; mine is more like a hole than a fog. I have no recollection of very recent events or trivial daily routines. Mine did not elevate to a scary level but I am really surprised sometimes at the things I forget. About focus: there is no such thing left. I now find it hard to multiply a 2 digit number with a one digit number. (I am much better in normal life) I cannot usually even keep the numbers in my head let alone multiply. I have been reading non fiction for the last 1-2 years. I had to give up. I can only read fiction now. Even if concepts are good structured and organized, I can understand one at a time but forget about the cause or effect so I keep going back and forth between the pages. It became frustrating. Since I am not working and spending most of my time at home, reading is a precious activity for me. I didn't want to lose it so I tried fiction, novels without much drama, relaxing and not overstimulating.
Open for suggestions.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Doktor soylemisti: Ilaclar bazen konsantrasyon bozuklugu yapiyor. O sirada cok kafama takmadim. Zaten dikkatim o kadar daginikti ki, gerci kimin degil.. Surekli olarak bilgi bombardimani altindayiz, tum ileti seslerini kapatsaniz bile beyninizin icinde bir yerde bekliyor: Telefonunuza bakmaniz lazim! Yorucu bir aliskanlik haline geliyor, o hale geldigini anladiginizda ise savas basliyor. Telefonuma cok bakmamaya calisiyorum, ama aklima geliyor sonucta, bir kere dikkatim dagilmis oluyor, bakmayinca sadece dikkatimin dagilma suresi azalmis oluyor.
Odaklanamama sorunum zaten vardi. Ozellikle de kitap okurken, film izlerken veya bir konserde. Kendimi tamamen alakasiz seyler dusunurken buluyordum. Hic bir zaman o anda kalamiyordum. Hosuma gidecek seyler yapiyordum ama hosuma gitmiyordu cunku sanki orada degildim. Aklim surekli uzuntuler icinde geziniyordu; kacamiyordum.
Kendime iskence ettigimi anladigimda arkadaslarimdan duydugum farkindalik uygulamalarini denemeye karar verdim. Daha once hic meditasyon yapmamistim. Ucretsiz bir cok uygulama var, bir tanesini denedim ve memnun kaldim. Bence hayatiniz boyunca kullanabileceginiz yontemlere dair iyi bir giris sunuyorlar. Konsantrasyonum tamamen geri geldi diyemem ama dikkatim baska yere gittigi zaman kendimi daha cabuk yakalar oldum.
Peki kemoterapi kafasi nasil? Kemoterapi paketi icinde gelen bir cok ozellik gibi bu da sasirtici. Internette "kafamda sis var gibi" benzetmesini okumustum, benimki sisten cok delik gibi. Bazi siradan gunluk islere veya cok yakin gecmiste olan olaylara dair hicbir sey hatirlamiyorum. Korkutucu seviyede degil ama gercekten neleri unuttuguma bazen cok sasiriyorum. Odaklanmaya gelince: oyle bir sey artik yok. 2 basamakli bir sayiyi tek basamakli bir sayiyla carparken zorlaniyorum (Normalde daha iyiyimdir) Carpmayi birakin carpacagim rakamlari aklimda tutamiyorum. Son 1-2 senedir hep roman-hikaye disinda kitaplar okurdum, daha cok bilimsel. Vazgecmek zorunda kaldim. Kavramlar cok iyi duzenlenmis ve siralanmis olsa bile, tek tek anlayabilmeme ragmen ,neden ve sonucu hatirlamadigim icin sayfalar arasinda surekli ileri geri gezinmek zorunda kaliyordum. Moralim bozuldu. Su an calismadigim ve vaktimin cogunu evde gecirdigim icin, okumak benim icin kaybetmek istemedigim, degerli bir aktivite. Roman okumaya geri dondum, cok ic karartici olmayan, rahatlatici, beyni cok uyarmayan seyler okumaya calisicam.
Onerilere acigim.
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