Diagnosis / Teshis
Diagnosis / Teshis (Turkce altta)
I don't know how you felt when you first heard the news. I was totally not there. It was as if I were an outsider watching, the doctor was telling somebody about some tumor; there are 4 types, this is the 2nd best and it is treatable. Ok this should be good news, I was listening but not processing well. I don't even remember most of the conversation now. I couldn't come up with any questions. Then my doer personality kicks in, and all I could say was "So what do we do next?"
Next: there will be both an operation and chemotherapy but the order may be changed. They decided to go with the chemo first to take the chance of making the tumor smaller before the operation.
I left the doctor's room thinking this cannot be happening to me. I lost my mom and my aunt to cancer, much before them my grandfather. And now me? At the age of 35, I couldn't believe it. Although their diagnoses were completely different, I was being treated in the same hospital I watched my aunt die and was living in my mom's house where I last saw her. I couldn't help but associate and wonder if I will share the same fate. Then I decided I can be the first to actually beat this, why not, the doctor seems to think so, so I'll do my best.
But of course I came back home, laid in my bed and cried for 5 minutes. It was heavy news. I thought I went through the stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance pretty quick and stood up from the bed ready to fight.
It turns out those stages were not completed on that 15 minutes in bed.
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Siz ilk duydugunuzda nasil hissettiniz bilmiyorum. Ben sanki orada degildim. Sanki doktor birine bir tumorden bahsediyordu; 4 cesidi varmis, bu en iyinin bir kotusuymus ve tedaviye cevap veriyormus. Evet bu iyi haberdi, dinliyordum ama algilayamiyordum. Konusmanin cogunu su an hatirlamiyorum. Aklima 1 tane bile soru gelmedi. Is bitirici kisiligim beni ana dondurdu ve sorabildigim tek sey "O zaman simdi ne yapiyoruz?" oldu.
Hem ameliyat hem de kemoterapi gerekiyormus, ama sirasi degisebilirmis. Once kemoterapi yapmaya karar verdiler, boylece tumor ameliyattan once belki kuculurmus.
Doktorun odasindan ciktigimda basima bunun geldigine inanamiyordum. Cok oncelerde dedemi, sonra annemi ve teyzemi kanserden kaybetmistim. Simdi de sira bana mi gelmisti? 35 yasinda? Onlarin teshisleri tamamen farkliydi ama teyzemin basinda bekledigim hastanede tedavi oluyor, annemi en son gordugum evde kaliyordum. Iliski kurmamak, ayni kaderi mi paylasacagim diye dusunmemek elimde degildi. Sonra suna karar verdim: bu ailede bunu yenen ilk kisi belki de ben olacaktim, niye olmasindi, doktor oyle dusunuyordu, o zaman elimden geleni yapacaktim.
Ama tabi ki eve dondum, yatagima yattim ve 5 dakika boyunca agladim. Duyduklarim agir gelmisti. Yatakta yattigim surece uzuntunun 5 evresi olan inkar, kizginlik, pazarlik, depresyon ve son olarak kabullenmeyi yasadim. Evet bitti, ve yataktan kalktim, savasmaya hazirdim.
Sonradan anladim ki o evreler yataktaki 15 dakikada tamamlanmamis.
I don't know how you felt when you first heard the news. I was totally not there. It was as if I were an outsider watching, the doctor was telling somebody about some tumor; there are 4 types, this is the 2nd best and it is treatable. Ok this should be good news, I was listening but not processing well. I don't even remember most of the conversation now. I couldn't come up with any questions. Then my doer personality kicks in, and all I could say was "So what do we do next?"
Next: there will be both an operation and chemotherapy but the order may be changed. They decided to go with the chemo first to take the chance of making the tumor smaller before the operation.
I left the doctor's room thinking this cannot be happening to me. I lost my mom and my aunt to cancer, much before them my grandfather. And now me? At the age of 35, I couldn't believe it. Although their diagnoses were completely different, I was being treated in the same hospital I watched my aunt die and was living in my mom's house where I last saw her. I couldn't help but associate and wonder if I will share the same fate. Then I decided I can be the first to actually beat this, why not, the doctor seems to think so, so I'll do my best.
But of course I came back home, laid in my bed and cried for 5 minutes. It was heavy news. I thought I went through the stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance pretty quick and stood up from the bed ready to fight.
It turns out those stages were not completed on that 15 minutes in bed.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Siz ilk duydugunuzda nasil hissettiniz bilmiyorum. Ben sanki orada degildim. Sanki doktor birine bir tumorden bahsediyordu; 4 cesidi varmis, bu en iyinin bir kotusuymus ve tedaviye cevap veriyormus. Evet bu iyi haberdi, dinliyordum ama algilayamiyordum. Konusmanin cogunu su an hatirlamiyorum. Aklima 1 tane bile soru gelmedi. Is bitirici kisiligim beni ana dondurdu ve sorabildigim tek sey "O zaman simdi ne yapiyoruz?" oldu.
Hem ameliyat hem de kemoterapi gerekiyormus, ama sirasi degisebilirmis. Once kemoterapi yapmaya karar verdiler, boylece tumor ameliyattan once belki kuculurmus.
Doktorun odasindan ciktigimda basima bunun geldigine inanamiyordum. Cok oncelerde dedemi, sonra annemi ve teyzemi kanserden kaybetmistim. Simdi de sira bana mi gelmisti? 35 yasinda? Onlarin teshisleri tamamen farkliydi ama teyzemin basinda bekledigim hastanede tedavi oluyor, annemi en son gordugum evde kaliyordum. Iliski kurmamak, ayni kaderi mi paylasacagim diye dusunmemek elimde degildi. Sonra suna karar verdim: bu ailede bunu yenen ilk kisi belki de ben olacaktim, niye olmasindi, doktor oyle dusunuyordu, o zaman elimden geleni yapacaktim.
Ama tabi ki eve dondum, yatagima yattim ve 5 dakika boyunca agladim. Duyduklarim agir gelmisti. Yatakta yattigim surece uzuntunun 5 evresi olan inkar, kizginlik, pazarlik, depresyon ve son olarak kabullenmeyi yasadim. Evet bitti, ve yataktan kalktim, savasmaya hazirdim.
Sonradan anladim ki o evreler yataktaki 15 dakikada tamamlanmamis.
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